Sis, Perspective & Me...

My sister just left for the States. I'd known for more than 5 months that she'd leave around the last quarter. Yet, when the moment actually came, it hit me hard. You see, I'm the sort of person who can distance herself emotionally. Sometimes it is a hard, conscious effort, sometimes self-suggestion, at times escapism, and many a time logic. Therefore, outta-sight-outta-mind. I thought I'd apply one of my usual techniques this time, too. My sis stayed for 3 days, we had a blast, trying to enjoy every single moment before she'd leave with her husband for a good 4 years. We chatted, gossiped, visited people, and yakked some more till our bodies revolted. Hmm... why wasn't I happy? All through her packing, (which is an on-the-face sign of "leaving," I wasn't affected.) I mean, I'd decided to be happy. Half the time, we think of ourselves, how we are going to feel and base our judgment or opinion on that. Ergo, since I was not going to have a skewed perception, since I was going to be logical and reasonable, I was glad she was going. Oh, another thing you ought to know about me...I've never been a conventionally good elder sister. I know I've missed playing with her when we were kids/teenagers, missed being close to her because of a most crazy, psychologically stupid ...imbalance of mind. This is how I can best describe myself as far as my relationship with kid sis is concerned. It's only lately I've realised how important she is in my life, my thoughts, my emotions...& I so hate myself for being mean and outrageously cruel to her...for spoiling the best years of my life being idiotically distant from her.

And now, she's gone.

On our way back from the airport, mom had tears, dad was talking a little too much & I listened to a Jethro Tull number...or was it Jones? Perspective. Angle. Logic. No emotions. She's happy, I'm happy. Period.

Why am I wearing the oversize slippers she left behind, using the purse she couldn't carry? Why haven't I as much as glanced at her room? Why couldn't I sleep? And why was I silent at work? Why can't I stop my tears each time I think of her? Why am I writing this?

Perspective be damned. I as hell can't help missing her. She means more to me than I'd realised, more than anyone else ever can. And, yes, I am happy for her. It's just that I am totally miserable without her physical presence, her silly smile, her one-liners, her comments, her jokes...This time, I am not going to get rid of my emotions. I am going to allow myself to feel. After all, she's my sister.

And I love her.

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Motherboard, Me & the Daily Humdrum

OMG!OMG!OMG! My comp went blank just as I was sending a stinker to a person I most detest! I'd just about reached telling him to ...you-know-what & my machine gaped at me with a dark face. Sigh! No amount to plugging in/out, rebooting etc helped. It had decided to die on me & that was that. According to a greek-latin speaking techy, my motherboard had gone blink & there was only so much he'd try to retrieve. Comps had a mother or a board?
Well, anyway, so there was I...at work & no machine to work on. What would I do? What about all my deadlines for the day and the mailing and the...blah-d-blah? Hmmm, while the techy was trying to find a method in the madness, la-Lear, I thought of calling up a most dreaded client & catching up on a project. Oh well, he wasn't available & would I please call back later? Sure, dude! Just thought I'd let you know we are at it. Humdedum, what next? I called up a couple of old cronies I'd not called in ages, called up my siblings...everyone on earth I could think of & still no sign of a temporary comp for me to work on. Well, such situations umm.........call for a meeting! So I collected my team members & pushed off for a long, long meeting. Poor souls, I bet they cursed me just the same as I curse my boss when she calls for a boring, dull meeting. Ok, so we decided to work faster, harder, raise the bar a little higher & all the jazzy I do/will bow-wow promises people make in meetings. Half a day still remaining. Ha! I knew what I could do! Fill out the hateful productivity sheets that I'd ignored for the last half a month! Darn...those who have to do this will have complete, undivided sympathies with me when I say filling out these PS' is one of the worst tasks a company can make an employee do. Trust me, if you've done this everyday for a month, you can do almost anything else in the world, except produce a baby, maybe.
5'o clock & at last I get to see a spare machine. What's the point anyway, in an hour, it'd be time to go home. And, hell, what about my motherboard?It'll take a good 7 working days to get it back. What about all my work saved on it? What about all the crazy articles I've penned for the ga-ga & the dotty in the other part of the world?
Hmm, maybe I'll just take a holiday to the Himalayas & look for the infamous, elusive Yeti. That seems to be an easier task than getting a sick computer to work.

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