20 August 2009
Of late, I’ve become progressively clueless about how to deal with my boss. You see, of late, she has become increasingly, impossibly, forgetful and difficult to figure out.
Boss, looking at her laptop, furiously typing away: Who the hell approved of this newsletter? It’s outrageously gross!
Me, shifting the shocked eyes from her to the wall: Don’t you remember?
B, spreading her palms heavenwards: Am I supposed to?
Me, diplomatically, failing miserably: Not unless it’s you.
B, smiling: Oh! Change the designer, darling. He’s got no sense of colour or design.
Moi, sighing: Err…ok. (Here, I must mention I'm a poor little writer.)
Now, this kinda stuff happens at least twice a day. Formats are thoroughly approved. Once filled in, they're sent right back. They suddenly make no sense. Eventually, after a frenzy of to and fro, what was dismissed 2 months back will need to be redone to suit the current needs. Can you imagine what kind of time we are wasting? At the end of the day, it ought to be ‘met/not met deadline.’ Maybe someone worked until they went comatose trying to work at night, maybe not. Who cares as long as your targets are spot-on?
She does. She-who-should-not-be-named.
You see, here’s the logic: if you are someone who performs, you’re good to perform in all other fields as well. So, there’s a poor team member who is punished for being bright. If she can write, she can research. If she can research, she may as well find out what the competition is doing. And, while she is at it, she should also find out which PR agency is the best. Here, I am told to pitch in my expertise. I should find a printer. Oh! She forgot, I first need to do a couple designs to show the publisher what goes where. Could we please decide upon a new marketing brochure? She’d like to see it on an urgent basis. And, it slipped out of her mind to tell both of us to hire a new graphic designer. This is too much, I say! Ok, I’ll tell her HR woman to look for new people. “Oh! Heavens, no! The poor HR woman is too busy with other paperwork.” Hadn’t we seen her go dotty already? My colleague and I exchange looks and are both about to say something when she adds, “And make sure this new bloke has common sense. I don’t want another fellow who confuses blue with brown.”
The thing here is this: the logic provided is so complicatedly confusing and convincing at that time, you find yourself staring ahead, certain it’s your job and no one else’s! The most you can muster, then, is a duh-I say-duh-course-yeah! And feel jolly good about being the chosen one.
Later, you can fume or spew fire or froth at your mouth in revolt, but the harm has been done.
I am going to go looking for tutorials on how-to-hedge/hypnotise/fox-your-boss.